The Art and Science of the Pig Pedicure

Okay, so in reality, there is no science to a pig pedicure. Or not much. And there's not much art, either.
This isn't beauty school, it's just that we want our pigs to have healthy hooves. Actually we want all pigs everywhere to have healthy hooves and to live out their lives in peace and happiness. But for now we have to settle for making sure our particular pigs' hooves are free of cracks.

Which isn't easy. Pig hooves are like ballerina toe shoes supporting 6 or 7 hundred pounds. Take a look at Pete here.

Big pig, little feet.
And Stubby is over 800 pounds. It's like the whole weight on of the world on the tippy tiny toes of a pig.

Yes, they're waiting to get in for dinner, but they could be waiting stage-left for their entrance in Swan Lake, could they not?

Okay, so we've established the physics problem of lots of pig, miniscule hoof: the hooves crack. And that means we have to treat them.

And at some point, the 'we' might be you.

So, here is what you'll need:

Hoof treating stuff, a syringe for squirting water into cracks for cleaning, and a rag. Look! It's all assembled in a handy pink bin.

All you need now is the pig. 

Preferably a pig with cracked hooves who is conveniently sleeping with the necessary hoof out and ready for you. Like Lodo, here. 

You might not be able to see the crack under all the mud, but it's there. 

So. 

Wash the hoof gently with the rag. 

Then, dry gently too.

Then, apply the Hoof Hardener.

This is really intended for horses, but horse hooves and pig hooves are somewhat similar in structure and needs. 

While the "soundness and reliability" promised on the label don't sound like bad things for a pig hoof, we really would prefer something more like "for an exquisite pig hoof that will not only be strong and healthy but will display for a world sadly ignorant of the tremendous character and charm of pigs, just how much we value and love them, including their hoof health."

Something like that. 

At any rate, we are where we are in the evolution of humanity and we can't expect commercial package labeling to lead the way to a new millennia of compassion and understanding. 

So, set aside your Gandhi-esque aspirations for the moment, and apply Hoof Hardener to the clean, dry hoof. 

And maybe blow on it a little too. If you have one of those small hand-held fans found at The Seven Happiness Nail Salon in Brooklyn, all the better. 

Now you are done, so you can take a moment to admire your accomplishment. Healthy hoof, happy Lodo!

Only three more hooves to go. And then there's Louie after that, and Stubby after that. And at some point thereafter, all of your other Gandhi-worthy aspirations of universal compassion. 

Volunteering can be kind of a full-time job.